I arrived home and went straight to bed with my head pounding. I was able to sleep for about and hour and the headache was not as bad. I went to the kitchen to start dinner for the family. The kids were outside playing in the yard. I watched them from the window. I like my life, I like my home. I love my family.
I don't know what made me go into my oldest daughters room. At this point I don't remember,but when I went in I was surprised as it looked as if she was cleaning her room. It is always a disaster. So I took a closer look and thought wow she is even getting rid of some stuff. The more I looked I could see that all her shoes were gone, the bed was covered in hangers, and all of her clothes were gone. Oh, I think she has moved out. hmm. So I went into investigative mode. My niece called her to inquire and she said she would be home at 10. Well we waited and when she came home we all sat in the living room and I asked where all of her clothes are. I got the normal, Huh? So I asked are you moving out? The answer was yes. She is 17 and has done her homework. She knows she can even though we don't want her to. It was a total surprise to Jeff and I as things have been pretty good around the house for months now. I thought we were through all this rebellion. I guess not.
I am thinking this has everything to do with the conversation we had Friday before all hell broke loose with my Dad. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was doing drugs and confronted her on it. There isn't a lot a person can get past me as I have been there and done that when it comes to that topic. I told her that it wasn't OK and we all wanted her to not do this. Please think about it very carefully. I didn't like the people she hangs with and could tell they were not good influences in her life or for her future. She stood there looking past me with her hair over one eye. All I could get from her was, "Can I go now?" She was checked out. I knew it but had to go and do what I needed to for my father and would handle all this when I came home.
Well less than 24 hours after I arrived home she has made the life decision to move away from our home. No reason, other than she has a lot going on right now and can't talk to us about it. So we are left in the dark and she doesn't seem to care. It is none of our business as she so bluntly put it.
My life is flashing before me. Oh the mistakes I made. If only she could learn from mine. The only thing I know is I can't do what my parents did. They enabled me to continue on the road of destruction for many years. Afraid to use tough love because I may not have a place to go. Fear of the unknown kept them offering me more and more. I took and took and never looked back. Just kept on trucking. What if they had cut me off. Would I have gone to work and shortened the length of time I spent out there torturing myself. I would have to say yes. You can't make it without money in this world and if you don't have your parents to give it to you when they know what you are using it for but can't help themselves then you can't keep up with the Jones. I am hoping and praying that it is going to be short lived and she ends up OK.
I don't really know what I think right now. I am just shocked. It is tough being a parent and you never ever know for a 100%fact that what you are doing is the right thing. I wish I had that handbook on parenting. Is there and exact right thing to do? I don't think so. I need to relax and trust my gut on this. I need to stand strong and continue on the path I am on . Healing my life, my home and our family unit. She is making her own choices at this point. I can only offer my words. I have done so.
